THE FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS ON VARIOUS PRODUCTS...

1 On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2 On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists- REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3 On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4 On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5 On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6 In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
18 On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.