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Main » 2012 » June » 03

YOUR HORSE CALLED

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."

He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track?’Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

... Read more »

Views: 531 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

WORSE THAN A CLOWN

There was a young monk in China who was a very serious practitioner of the Dharma.

Once, this monk came across something he did not understand, so he went to ask the master. When the master heard the question, he kept laughing. The master then stood up and walked away, still ... Read more »

Views: 604 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

There was three vampires on the roof. One of them was Englih the another was French and the third one was from the Black Sea. The English vampire flied out and returned back. There was blood in his nose and mouth. He said do you know what I have done. The others  asked what you have done. He said can you see that post and  the house behind it. I went that house and suck the boy’s blood there. The french flied out and returned with blood in his mouth and nose. He said can you see the shop beside the post. I went there and sucked  the asistant’s blood. the vampire from black sea flied out and returned with blood in his mouth and nose and said can you see that post. They said yes what happened? He replied I couldn’t see.

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Views: 555 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

THE DONKEY AND THE WELL...

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

So he invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the
farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey wa ... Read more »

Views: 514 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

         THE CRACKED POT

Once upon a time there was a water-bearer in India who had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pot full of water in his master's house. ... Read more »

Views: 523 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

THE LITTLE RED HEN

 

One fine Spring day the Little Red Hen went out for a walk. She noticed some grains of wheat in the yard that the farmer had dropped. She decided to pick up the seeds and plant them.

... Read more »

Views: 536 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

THE LITTLE RED HEN
LITTLE Red Hen found a grain of wheat. 
"Who will plant this?" she asked. 
"Not I," said the cat. 
"Not I," said the goose. 
"Not I," said the rat. 
"Then I will," said Little Red Hen. 
So she buried the wheat in the ground. After a while it grew up yellow and ripe. 
"The wheat is ripe now," said Little Red Hen. "Who will cut and thresh it?" 
"Not I," said the cat. 
"Not I," said the goose. 
"Not I," said the rat. 
"Then I will," said Little Red Hen. 
So she cut it with her bill and threshed it with her wings. 
Then she asked, "Who will take this wheat to the mill?" 
"Not I," said the cat. 
"Not I," said the goose. 
"Not I," said the rat. 
"Then I will," said Little Red Hen. 
So she took ... Read more »
Views: 553 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

CHOICE

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant in America. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs; they would follow him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry ... Read more »

Views: 540 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

Some Famous Stories Of Nasreddin Hodja:

The Criticism Of Men

Hodja and his son went on a journey once. Hodja preferred that his son ride the donkey and that he himself go on foot. On the way they met some people who said:

-Look at that healthy young boy! That is today's youth for you. They have no respect for elders. He rides on the donkey and makes his poor father walk!

When they had passed by these people the boy felt very ashamed and insisted that he walk and his father ride the donkey. So Hodja mounted the donkey and the boy walked at his side. A ... Read more »

Views: 1289 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

NAILS

 

There once was a little girl who had a bad temper. Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hol ... Read more »

Views: 463 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

THE FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS ON VARIOUS PRODUCTS...

1 On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2 On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists- REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3 On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4 On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5 On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6 In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but t ... Read more »

Views: 455 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

THE FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS ON VARIOUS PRODUCTS...

1 On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2 On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists- REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3 On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4 On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5 On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6 In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but t ... Read more »

Views: 440 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.
Very small minds discuss themselves.
		... 
		
			Read more »
		
Views: 504 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

INFINITY

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein

WORSE THAN A CLOWN

There was a young monk in China who was a very serious practitioner of the Dharma.
Once, this monk came across something he did not understand, so he went to ask the master. When the master heard the question, he kept laughing. The master then stood up and walked away, still laughing.
The young monk was very disturbed by the master's reaction. For the next 3 days, he could not eat, sleep nor think pr ... Read more »

Views: 548 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

GENERAL

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong,
is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
Douglas Adams

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states t ... Read more »

Views: 671 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

DON'T LET ME CRY

My son Gilbert was eight years old and had been in Cub Scouts only a short time. During one of his meetings he was handed a sheet of paper, a block of wood and four tires and told to return home and give all to "dad".
That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do. Dad was not receptive to doing things with his son. But Gilbert tried. Dad read the paper and scoffed at the idea of making a pine wood derby car with his young, eager son. The block of wood remained untouched as the weeks passed.
Finally, mom stepped in to see if I could figure this all out. The project began. Having no carpentry skills, I decided it would be best if I simply read the direction ... Read more »

Views: 662 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

DİFFENCE BETWEEN PARENTS AND SON
An old man was sitting in the courtyard of his house along    with his son who had received a high education. Suddenly a crow perched on a wall of  the house.                                                     
The father asked the son: What is this? The son
		
		... 
		
			Read more »
		
Views: 613 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

DAY OFF!

An employee comes into her manager’s office to take a day off from work. The manager replies:

So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for.

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1- ... Read more »

Views: 575 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

COURTROOM FUNNIES

The following are from a little book called "Disorder in the Court." They're things people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the crash impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affe ... Read more »

Views: 730 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

BIG ROCKS IN LIFE

 

One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I'm sure those students will never forget. After I share it with you, you'll never forget it either.

... Read more »

Views: 631 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

AN INVITATION

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked. "No", she said. "He's out." "Then we cannot come in", they replied. ... Read more »

Views: 624 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

AN ENGLISH LESSON

We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes. But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes. The one fowl is a goose but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a whole set of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

... Read more »

Views: 584 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

A POND FULL OF MILK

Once there was a king who told some of his workers to dig a pond. Once the pond was dug, the king made an announcement to his people saying that one person from each household has to bring a glass of milk during the night and pour it into the pond. So, the pond should be full of milk by the morning. After receiving the order, everyone went home.

... Read more »

Views: 635 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)

A POEM FOR EACH & EVERY DAY

 

May you have...
Enough happiness to keep you sweet,
Enough trials to keep you strong,
Enough sorrow to keep you human,
Enough hope to keep you happy,
Enough failure to keep you humble,
Enough success to keep you eager,
Enough friends to give you comfort,
Enough wealth to meet your ... Read more »

Views: 635 | Added by: Bakhtiyor | Date: 2012-06-03 | Comments (0)


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