A guy is reading his paper when his
wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying
pan.
He asks, "What was that
for?"
She says, "I found a piece of
paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember
last week when I went to the track?’Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went
there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away.
There was a young monk in China who was a very serious
practitioner of the Dharma.
Once, this monk came across something he did not
understand, so he went to ask the master. When the master heard the question,
he kept laughing. The master then stood up and walked away, still
... Read more »
There was
three vampires on the roof. One of them was Englih the another was French and
the third one was from the Black Sea. The English vampire flied out and
returned back. There was blood in his nose and mouth. He said do you know what
I have done. The others asked what you
have done. He said can you see that post and
the house behind it. I went that house and suck the boy’s blood there.
The french flied out and returned with blood in his mouth and nose. He said can
you see the shop beside the post. I went there and sucked the asistant’s blood. the vampire from black
sea flied out and returned with blood in his mouth and nose and said can you
see that post. They said yes what happened? He replied I couldn’t see.
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One day a farmer's donkey fell down
into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure
out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be
covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
So he invited all his neighbors to
come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into
the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the
farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With
every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey wa
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Once upon a
time there was a water-bearer in India who had two large pots, each hung on
each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a
crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full
portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's
house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two
years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pot
full of water in his master's house.
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One fine Spring day the Little Red Hen went out for a
walk. She noticed some grains of wheat in the yard that the farmer had dropped.
She decided to pick up the seeds and plant them.
Jerry is the manager of a
restaurant in America.
He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When
someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply, "If I were
any better, I would be twins!" Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit
their jobs when he changed jobs; they would follow him around from restaurant
to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry
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Hodja and his son went on a journey once. Hodja preferred that his son
ride the donkey and that he himself go on foot. On the way they met some people
who said:
-Look at that healthy young boy! That is today's youth for you. They
have no respect for elders. He rides on the donkey and makes his poor father
walk!
When they had passed by these people the boy felt very ashamed and
insisted that he walk and his father ride the donkey. So Hodja mounted the
donkey and the boy walked at his side. A
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There once was a little girl who had a bad temper. Her mother gave her a
bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer
a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the girl had driven 37 nails
into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger,
the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it
was easier to hol
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THE FOLLOWING
ARE ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS ON VARIOUS PRODUCTS...
1 On a blanket
from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2 On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists- REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE
MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3 On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4 On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP
UPRIGHT.
5 On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6 In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING,
ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but
t
... Read more »
THE FOLLOWING
ARE ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS ON VARIOUS PRODUCTS...
1 On a blanket
from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2 On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists- REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE
MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3 On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4 On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP
UPRIGHT.
5 On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6 In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING,
ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but
t
... Read more »
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein
WORSE THAN A CLOWN
There was a young monk in China who was a
very serious practitioner of the Dharma.
Once, this monk came across something he did not understand, so he went to ask
the master. When the master heard the question, he kept laughing. The master
then stood up and walked away, still laughing.
The young monk was very disturbed by the master's reaction. For the next 3 days,
he could not eat, sleep nor think pr
... Read more »
The major difference between a thing that might go
wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong,
is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns
out to be impossible to get at or repair. Douglas Adams
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody
discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will
instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inexplicable.
There is another theory which states t
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My son Gilbert was eight years old and had
been in Cub Scouts only a short time. During one of his meetings he was handed
a sheet of paper, a block of wood and four tires and told to return home and
give all to "dad".
That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do. Dad was not receptive to doing
things with his son. But Gilbert tried. Dad read the paper and scoffed at the
idea of making a pine wood derby car with his young, eager son. The block of
wood remained untouched as the weeks passed.
Finally, mom stepped in to see if I could figure this all out. The project
began. Having no carpentry skills, I decided it would be best if I simply read
the direction
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An old man was sitting in the courtyard of his house along with his son who had received a high education. Suddenly a crow perched on a wall of the house.
The father asked the son: What is this? The son
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An employee comes into her manager’s office to
take a day off from work. The manager replies:
So you want a day off. Let's take a look at
what you are asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week,
leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away
from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend
30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year,
leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-
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One
day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home
a point, used an illustration I'm sure those students will never forget. After
I share it with you, you'll never forget it either.
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old
men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize
them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please
come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?",
they asked. "No", she said. "He's out." "Then we
cannot come in", they replied.
... Read more »
We'll begin with a box and the plural is
boxes. But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes. The one fowl is a goose
but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole set
of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses not hice. If the plural of man is
always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
Once there was a king who told some of his workers to
dig a pond. Once the pond was dug, the king made an announcement to his people
saying that one person from each household has to bring a glass of milk during
the night and pour it into the pond. So, the pond should be full of milk by the
morning. After receiving the order, everyone went home.
May
you have...
Enough happiness to keep you sweet,
Enough trials to keep you strong,
Enough sorrow to keep you human,
Enough hope to keep you happy,
Enough failure to keep you humble,
Enough success to keep you eager,
Enough friends to give you comfort,
Enough wealth to meet your
... Read more »
